Didn't know I was THAT nerdy...

It hasn't been that awesome acclimating to a new community.  I do like our new home and new town, but with limited social interaction it can get quite lonely when you don't have easy access to your friends.  I've been doing my best to feel comfortable, but I'd say that a feeling of unease and displacement has largely marked these first few weeks here.  

And today, I found the strangest comfort that I think says quite a bit about myself.

I headed out to Panera to work on a few things to prepare for my final upload of my dissertation (we have to electronically upload them by July 19th).  I packed my orange backpack that I've had now for five years, all through my Ph.D. coursework, and then slung it on my back.  The sense of comfort, calm, ease that blanketed me when the backpack hugged my shoulders caught me off guard.  I was like a three-year old that found his long-lost security blanket.  And then I  just couldn't believe it.  Of all things that could've made me feel at-home here....of all of the stuff that was packed in three Uhauls, I had an almost physical comforting reaction to my BACK-PACK.  

I didn't realize that I was that nerdy.  

Now I know.  

Don't worry Michael, I won't bring it to bed with me :-)

Ice Cream Capital of the World

We were in NW Iowa on Aubri's birthday so we went to LeMars--the ice cream capital of the world--to celebrate at the Blue Bunny Ice Cream Shop.  Here are a handful of photos from the party:

Jacob was almost concerned by the size of this  "dirt" sundae.  He loved the gummy worms that came with it...

Sam and Noah shared a banana split.  They were pretty impressed with it's size, though they couldn't finish it. 

Outside the shop.

Kruse kids make pretty good tourists.  They're willing to stand by all kinds of signs and statues for us :-)

Aubri's favorite food :-)  "Just like a mommy" she'd say....

Social Skill Lessons from Aubri

So far Aubri is clearly in first place in the Kruse family in her ability to acquire friends.  In just about every "play" situation we've been in the past two weeks she's walked away with 1-2 new friends.  The only time I watched her be unsuccessful was when she tried to join a group of about 5 10-year old girls in the 3 foot area of the pool (I was standing directly behind her and basically it was her head bobbing up out of the water while she tried to act like she knew what was up with the group by fake laughing when they laughed).

But I have observed her successful attempts which has caused me to re-examine the way that I make friends.  Here are the lessons she's taught me:

1.  Tell random people my name and my age and see what sticks.  Well, to be exact, I'd have to tell them what my age is not.  Here's an example, which could be used at a park, swimming pool, grocery store, pretty much anywhere other humans happen to be:  "I'm Aryn.  (No greeting apparently necessary).  I'm not 32 anymore".  This would be followed by my new friend pausing to check me out and then telling me his/her age, but not their name yet. Apparently age is really the only pre-requisite for friendship.  I did not realize this before.

2.  Twirl.  I've underestimated twirling in the past. After careful observation of my daughter I've decided to buy an adult tu-tu, probably plus-sized for the time being, and twirl.  It's a more complicated process than it sounds.  I need to run up to someone who looks like they have nothing better to do.  Catch their eye, either by an awkward stare or charming smile.  Once I have their eye's attention I need to just twirl to my heart's content.  If they smile, or laugh, I move up to tip #1 and seal the deal on my new friendship.

3.  Chase people.  I've totally under-utilized this tactic up until now.  Aubri, my friendship mentor, has shown me that if you go up to someone and again, either awkward stare or give a charming smile, you might be able to initiate Project Chase a Stranger and Make Them My Friend.  Once you have their attention, make a light squeal.  Not too loud, not too soft.  Then take three or four running steps forward, turn, and glance back at them.  If they don't seem to entertained, twirl to show them just how special you are and just what they might be missing out on if they don't complete this friendship process.  After that twirl, run back to them, lightly tag them, and then run away.  They are sure to follow.

4.  Assure people that I'm potty trained.  Apparently, besides age, this is another helpful pre-requisite to acquiring friends.  So, now I know, that if I really feel stuck in making friends, I need to simply state to them., "I wear underwears now, they have flowers on them."  That way, if they had any doubts at all about being my friend, I probably just erased them with my amazing news.

Those are the four-main steps I've learned thus far for friendship-forming.  Since Aubri is the only one so far to acquire friends, who am I to criticize?  I'll have to see if these apparent fool-proof strategies work....

Greetings from DBQ

The Kruse family has officially migrated to Northeast Iowa.  We've been here for just over a week and the prominent theme seems to be:  Wow.  This is a heck of a lot more overwhelming than I anticipated.  Because we Kruses are used to moving.  We move a lot.  Ask our friends who have helped us move our heavy furniture all too often.  But I didn't anticipate the toll it would take on me to move across the state.

Don't get me wrong.  I think Dubuque is pretty stinkin' awesome and perhaps Iowa's best kept secret. It's even more gorgeous here in the summer than what I thought it was in the winter.  I love the diversity of the architecture, and I love the steep hills, cliffs, and trees that are peppered within the town and on the edges.  I think the evenings and mornings are more crisp than Central Iowa and I'm in LOVE with my back deck (where (I'm writing this now) in the evening.  

But I'm also homesick.  I'm homesick for Ames, which feels like it is laid out more on a grid and I don't get lost every day.  I miss my friends.  And even if days and weeks past between visits with my friends in Ames, I didn't realize how even proximity can make you feel closer to someone.  We've been gone a week and I feel so distant.  Of course that could also be in direct relation to my extended-Facebook fast that I've got going as well.  But I think Facebook would make me even more homesick, truly.  

I've been striving in the past week to set some things up that would make me feel more like I'm making a home here and less like I'm on a strange vacation.  Here's what I've done so far:

1.  Shop at Hy-Vee, Wal-Mart, Fareway, Aldi's....in other words, shop where the inside of the store doesn't feel so strange.  I've tried to explore new territory as well.  Between Kennedy Mall, Asbury Plaza, and all of the other businesses in the area I can't think of much that I'm really "missing"  (other than The Cafe in Ames.  Love that place.  Oh, and a drive-through Starbucks.  That's been an adjustment, but probably a positive one for my bank account.  

2.  Morning walks.  Sam and I get up each morning at about 6 a.m. and go for a 30 minute walk together.  Not only is it a healthy start to our day, but it's time that I prize with just him.  Not much could make me more eager to get out of bed at 6 a.m. than imagining the genuine smile on his face when I brush his cheek in the morning to wake him up for our walks.  

3.  Pool passes.  Pretty awesome deal, and a pretty easy way to spend my afternoon.  We have options to go to two nice city pools, passes for the entire family only cost $94 dollars.  Sam and Noah spent their first day climbing up the steep stairs to two water slides that dump them into a 3-foot pool of water.  They did this for two straight hours.  They were exhausted at night and fell asleep pretty quick.

4.  Speaking of sleeping, it's been an adjustment to have all three of our boys share a small bedroom.  It looks more like summer camp or military barraks in their bedroom than an actual bedroom, but they don't seem to mind.  To get them to sleep at night I've been reading to them every night until they fall asleep.  I love this time with them.  I love watching them drift off to sleep and I love that they love that time as well.  

5.  Planting.  My mom came last weekend to visit (hooray!) and we planted a few things.  Most things were better planted in pots (there seems to be a lot of rocks in our garden areas and not much soil), but still, it was nice to bring some new life around our new house.  We planted a variety of flowers in the front in pots, placed some potted roses in the ground, planted some zuchnii in our back yard along with some "flower rockets" (probably a scam but they were cheap), a couple of strawberry plants that probably won't survive, and some peppers and tomatoes in topsy turveys that I hope turn out well so that I can make salsa and spaghetti sauce.  I also have some herbs I'd like to get planted this week.  I'm not a green thumb so we'll see how this all goes...

6.  Exploring.  I've been trying to be good natured about how many times I get lost.  (Really, these streets don't make much sense) and I've decided to think of it as exploring.  So far we've found what I think is a monastary, a beautiful (and free) arboretum and gardens owned by the city, and a bunch of neighborhoods that I don't think I could find again if I tried.  I've done some on-purpose exploring as well.  We've found some parks, Sam loves it if I cross the bridge over to Wisconsin or Illinois for fun (he thinks going to different states is a big deal), went to Galena with mom (LOVE it) and also explored Eagle Point Park (again, LOVE it, and a pretty amazing view of the Mississippi.  I'm overly impressed with Dubuque's parks system.  God created all that they're preserving and showing off, but I'm proud of them for being so caring of their parks and making them affordable and accessible.  

Well, that's all I can think of now. Except I do want to say that today I got a really pretty stamper in the mail with my new address on it and I don't know who sent it to me.  SO, if you sent it to me, THANKS!  I love it.  In a week or so I'm going to dig out my Cricut and make thank-yous that are past-due from my graduation party and also make some stationary so I can get into some snail-mailing.  I'm excited to use my new stamper in these efforts!!   A lot has happened in just one week.  Below I'm posting a few pictures of our new digs. 

Our back yard and new deck.  Michael is the super mower.  I don't have a good picture of our hill in our back yard
but props to him for having to mow it all summer.  

Front of house before I did any planting.  

The pots mom and I planted, the other plants (which aren't doing so hot) were planted prior to our moving in.  

One of the pots.  This was the first time I actually planted something this way.  It was pretty fun, I hope they don't die...

The roses.  They probably won't grow very big or super well because we had to leave them in the pots.  The ground was too rocky, not much soil in there.....

This area was overgrown.  I actually didn't know there were tiers back there.  Michael and took out what was growing back there and I'm attempting to grow zucchini (random, I know) and some flowers.  I didn't take a close up because I didn't feel like climbing the steep incline to get to it...

My topsy turveys are hanging from the deck..  I planted tomatoes and salsa peppers.  

Those crazy Kruse Kids

These past few weeks with Michael moving to Dubuque to start his job and me staying home for the summer has left me a lot of time with the kids.  A lot.  Of concentrated time.

Some days I am quite literally pulling out my hair and staring at the calendar.  Summer break is HOW LONG??  Seriously?  I feel like kids should be in school for longer than 180 of 365 days of the year.  My friend Dee made a statement that she felt like she was the only one not thrilled that school was out.  Dee, you're not the only one.  And I'm not afraid to admit it.  :-)

But I have to say, the kids have also been quite endearing these past few weeks.  Here are some highlights:

Samuel:  We went to my parents this past week.  Mommy needed some adult time in the evenings, and it turns out my mom was taking vacation days.  Ready or not Whitvers, here we come.  Or went.  The first night I had Sam and Jacob rest on the guest bed watching cartoons, hoping they'd fall asleep.  Sam is a lounger.  Always has been.  Someday when I get my pictures all in one electronic spot, I'll post some Sam baby-lounger pics.  Anyway, it's important to know this so that you can picture his affect.  While settling in, Sam took a big gulp from a cup of water on the nightstand and then nestled into the bed with his hands rested behind his head.  Jacob asked him, "What are you doing?  And Samuel, sighed, and in his most relaxed beach-bum voice replied, "Just livin' my life".  Followed by another sigh.  I wish I could go into relaxation mode that quickly.

Noah:  Noah's been pretty even-keel these past few weeks.  Probably my most laid back.  I won't lie, the Wii has replaced his Dad's presence in the house and the poor child will go into shock once we move to Dubuque and gets in his mom's never-a-dull-moment routine, but for now, he's just chilling and enjoying his video games. We've been traveling a lot lately and he's obsessed with the "number of towns" between point A and point B.  When it's 4 or less he says "That's easy".  Anything above that he resists and tells us "That takes too long."  Noah is my Matthew McConaughy baby.  In the summer he tans golden and his wavy curls get streaks of bleach blonde while maintaining honey undertones.  He's got one dimple larger than the other and has the ability to charm anyone if he put his mind to it.

Jacob:  Jacob cracks me up daily, I can barely keep up with him.  In fact, sometimes I think I don't tell his quotes as often because I'm never really caught off guard by him anymore.  I pretty much expect it.  This past weekend though, he did catch me.  We were at Michael's Dad's church.  The kids are pretty used to being in a children's church or nursery program during the service, so when the offering plate was past around, Jacob found the idea quite foreign.  Michael gave him a folded up wad of bills to put in the tray and Jacob graciously picked out one of the bills to put in and was going to keep the rest as his own.  Michael tried to explain that it was for the church.  Jacob looked confused.  Michael told him, "The money is for Jesus".  Jacob, still looked confused.  He pointed at the pastor who was wearing full-robe attire and said, quite loudly, "Who?  THAT guy?".  I'm sorry folks.  I don't care how quiet it is in church, that's funny stuff right there.

Aubri:  My little dancing princess just turned three.  She says three and holds up five fingers.  Heaven help the person who tries to tell her otherwise.  She thinks it's great that you are three with three fingers but she is three with FIVE fingers.  "Like THIS" she says and forcefully shoves her open-hand up in the air.  Look, who am I to argue.  Math is not my strong point and right now 5 fingers is her 3.  More power to her.  She also was intrigued with being in the church service last Sunday.  I thought she did pretty well.  She lap-hopped quite a bit between family members, but overall she did pretty well.  She tried to read when the congregation was reading.  Only she chanted, "I love mommy.  I love daddy.  I love mommy.  I love daddy."  I love the words she "reads".  At the end of the service the pastor prayed a benediction, at the conclusion Aubri responded, "Oh-men.  Yay!  We did it!"  Again, another Kruse Kid who lacks an inside voice.  And again, another moment where I perhaps should be more mature and not laugh, but these kids are funny.  

No, public, I did not crap my pants.

Yesterday morning was no good.  That's really the best way I can describe it.  I am not a morning person.  In fact, I dream a world that is absolutely silent until noon.  I long for days when I have teenagers that sleep until 1 p.m. on a Saturday.  And if they don't, I have no reservations regarding cash incentives.  

So, yesterday morning started out with the usual demands and/or somewhat annoying proclamations:

I want waffles.

I don't like cereal.

I want more waffles.

My teacher says I need to eat a bigger breakfast.

I can't find my shoes.

I left Batman outside, I need to find him now.

My diaper is wet.  I can't like underwears.

My dress not twirl big enough.

Today's my field trip, I need a sack lunch.  I HAVE to have a disposable water bottle.

I can't find my glasses.  I think I left them in the yard.  Nope.  Here they are.  

And then it was 6:05 a.m.  It was a morning where I felt like no one was listening to me, the scale tipped up yet another number, and the walls of my house seemed to have moved in another 10 feet as the disarray of half-packed boxes continue to mock me.  

I pictured McDonald's in my mind.  I pictured the drive-through, I pictured me ignoring the annoying lady at the first window who can't help but to scream "Good Morning, Beautiful!", and I pictured myself driving up to the second window retrieving the breakfast burrito that my mind was lusting for.  

But, no.  I told myself "no".  I've been doing an awesome job with juicing in the morning.  I wasn't going to make a choice I knew was only a reaction to my stress, I was going to continue on with the pattern that I was beginning to not only enjoy, but crave.  So I made myself cut my apples, broccoli, kale, grapefruit and I juiced it all up for my morning boost.  I then did my ritual of putting ice in it and setting it aside to cool while I cleaned my juicer and loaded my dishwasher.  The blade-cup in my juicer was a little stuck and so I tried to pry it out.  I then watched as my juicer slipped out of my hands, knocking my 24 oz cup of green juice all over my counter.  All.  Over. Green down my white cabinets.  Green inside the dishwasher.  A thick puddle covering the counter tops and the floor.  What was only 24 oz seemed to have multiplied into a gallon.  

My daughter watched the whole thing.  I'm pretttttty sure I didn't drop any words beginning with the letter "f" or "s", but I was clearly upset.  Aubri asked, "Are you happy, Mom?" and in my low-I-must-be-on-the-verge-of-insanity voice I replied.  "No.  Mommy.  Is.  Sad.".  She could sense the tension in the air and her 3-year old body slinked backwards into the living room to watch one of her cartoons. 

I then went through an entire roll of paper towels wiping down my kitchen.  When it was nearly clean Aubri came back and offered the only consolation she thought was guaranteed and scientifically proven:  "Mommy, do you want a band-aid?".  

Later on in the morning, I was feeling better.  I avoided McDonald's and settled on a baggie full of grapes while I taxied the kids around to their respective stomping grounds.  I was going to have a few hours to myself that day, and I was looking forward to going to Books A Million to get lost in the shelves of facts and adventures that have always offered me comfort.  

I got out of my van and started trodding into the store when I looked down at my leg.  I was wearing capri pants and thick line of dried, dark green juice ran from the bottom of my capris to the top of my shoes.  I began to highly doubt that the average shopper wondered if that was home-made juice that I had spilled and was appearing to literally run out of my pants.  

Sigh.  That was the cherry on top of my morning.  And no, public, I did not crap my pants.  

I scraped what I could off and went into the bookstore anyway.  

Where my heart is today.

Often times, before I post something I have a general sense of the path that my post will take.  I know the overall shape my writing will take, what my goal (no matter how shallow or stretched it may seem) is.  So I'd like to say up front that I really don't know what shape this will take.....so we shall see....

Last January I woke up on a Saturday morning in the Hotel Julien in Dubuque, Iowa with a sense of peace in my heart that knew could only come from God.  I had sensed the day before that I felt "right" on the Loras College campus, and the feeling I had when I woke up in the morning only confirmed the previous day's "huntch".  I knew when I woke up that Saturday that if Loras offered me a job that I would take it.  In fact, after I was offered the job I was so confident in my decision that I called another college and cancelled an interview that I had scheduled with them.  I knew that it would be a waste of my time.  I knew my decision was the right one.  

The months following made it clear that my decision was making sense.  Michael easily found a job.  We easily found a comfortable place to rent, in an area of town that we can feel "at home" in, and childcare fell in place in a matter of two phone calls.  I know that God opens doors.  But I felt like in this case he's bulldozed an entire wall and paved a way in.  

And sometimes I question why.  It was already amazing that He blessed me so quickly with a job.  The cherry on top was that Michael found a job quickly as well.  But all of the other details?  Why so gracious?  I've been racking my mind for answers over and over these past few weeks.  Why?  Why is this happening so easily?  

My knee jerk reaction was that perhaps He has big plans for me at Loras and he's paving the way for me to fulfill those plans.  But then I got out of my own selfish head and realized it might not be me at all.  Perhaps it's Michael, or our role at our new church.  Or perhaps it's one of our children.  Perhaps they are meant to experience something in Dubuque that molds them into His plan.  Or maybe all of the above.  Or maybe I'm over thinking this and maybe He is a loving and gracious God that has been showing me this whole time that He's got my back if I just relax and let Him.  It's all so much to take in.  

And I know in my heart of hearts that we are doing what we should be doing.  And the doors to Dubuque couldn't be wider.  

So why do I hurt so badly sometimes thinking about leaving?  Why do I feel so much pain when I say good-bye to my friends?  And why do I build up walls around me hoping that if some of them feel less of a connection with me, then perhaps the goodbye will be easier.  Why do I feel homesick and I haven't even left?

I'm finding comfort into digging into my "new life".  I order travel brochures for NE Iowa, Wisconsin, and Illinois.  I've tattooed the Loras website in my brain so that it feels like home.  I've signed the children up for sports and activities over the summer to jump us into our new community.  I haven't made sense of my information digging obsession, but I know it makes me feel safe.

I also find comfort in remembering that one of the cherished years in my marriage was when Michael and I moved to Joplin for year.  We didn't know anyone.  We didn't know the town.  And by the year's end we made friends that still warm my heart when I think of their generosity, compassion, humor.....lives that touched us that wouldn't have if we hadn't taken the risk. 

That's just where I'm going to have leave this blog tonight.  Ending it on the confusion that I feel like I face daily.  Waves of sadness. Waves of excitement.  Waves of mourning and waves of exhilaration.  All wrapped into a whirlwind of possibility.