Plan B: Spinal Fusion

Well, my back has been progressively getting worse.  I would list all of the issues that my back is causing, but I'll sum up with the major ones:  difficulty walking, increase in frequency (and duration) of muscle spasms in my back and right leg, difficulty getting out of chairs, extreme difficulty sleeping at night.  Those are the major issues.  A week ago I had two back spasms while teaching.  It was horrible.  I wanted to crawl into the cupboard of the podium.

With the progression of symptoms regardless of PT, my surgeon ordered a "discogram" to check the health of another one of my discs.  We know that my lowest disc, L5-S1 is bad, but he was questioning the health of the one above it, L4-L5.  They put a needle in a good disc as a control, and a needle in the bad one and then they push a dye through in order to see how the disc does under pressure. The disc is "bad" if the xray shows the dye leaking out of the disc and if the test causes pain. (Check and Check). The needle itself through a lightening bolt of pain down my leg.  Then the doctor said, "Okay, we are ready to start."  Needless to say this threw me into a whirlwind of tears.  Thankfully the nursing staff were amazing and helped me get through it by chatting with me about my family and the conscious sedation took an edge off.  The doctor showed me the results right there.  He compared my good disc with one of my bad discs.  It's quite amazing the toll degenerative disc disease has taken on these discs and I'm only 34.

The results have led my surgeon to recommend, and me to happily accept, a spinal fusion to fuse L5-S1 and L4-L5 disc spaces (3 vertebrae total).  The surgery will be on May 28th. Three days after I'm done with Loras for the academic year :-)  Leaving me with 3 months to recover before classes start again.

During the surgery they will take out what's left of the discs.  The surgeon will then make new "bones" using my bone tissue, cadaver bone tissue, and an artificial substance.  The bone will be placed where the discs were and then a cage will be made using titanium rods and screws, attaching and protecting the new bone to the vertebrae.  I'll be in a back brace for 3 months with limited activity in hopes (and very good odds) that the new bone will grow into my vertebrae.

I'm thankful that medicine has come this far and that this surgery option is available.  My dad has gotten this same surgery done and as I'm sure he could also attest, it's hard to imagine what I would do without it.  The degeneration and pain in my back is quite disabling and living in this amount of chronic pain is quite unbearable.  I'm not upset that I have to have surgery, I'm quite grateful that there is an option available to help me function again.

I'm looking forward to pain-free (or at least pain minimized!) days in the future.  My family and job continue to be bright spots in the midst of these issues.  Coincidentally on the same day that I had the back spasms while teaching I got an anonymous "shout out" on an anonymous Facebook Page run called "Du it Forward" that stated "Dr. Kruse is an amazing professor and person".  Even though I was so horrified that I had those spasms in class, that encouragement made my week because I knew that even though my back issues consume me, they don't define me.

I'm overdue for creating a binder.....

We all have quirky comfort items.  (I say "we all" in hopes that I'm not too strange).

I've written in the past about the comfort of my backpack.  Now for another odd item....binders.

When I think about anytime I've had to start a big project, I've always created a binder.  A new project at work?  Binder.  My dissertation?  Three-ring glory.  Keeping track of Noah's medical issues, education, and progress?  You've guessed it--binder.  

I feel like I've come to another intersection in my life where I need to create a binder to get through.  I met with my new physical therapist today and she gave me to do's and not to do's.  I started the appointment in tears...well, some laughter and then tears.  

PT assistant:  "Do you have any loss of bladder or bowel control."

Me:  "Not yet."

laughter--she liked my use of the term "yet".  

PT assistant:  "Have you had any unexplained and sudden weight loss?"

Me:  "I wish."

laughter---I really am a funny person.  

PT assistant: "What's your goal for PT?"

Me: "To be 34 years old."

Tears.  I can't handle this.  There are days when I can't throw a piece of garbage in the trash can with out a back spasm taking my breath away.  Excruciating pain overwhelms my right leg all too often.  How could I ever do the things normally again...and pain free?

But that was not the tone of the appointment.  

The PT came in and she began helping me know what to do and what not to do.  She explained the neuroscience behind my pain.  She explained how some of the things I was doing that I thought was helping were actually creating some barriers to my progress (like walking 10,000 steps a day).  She said she could tell that I was really smart and she talked to me like I was intelligent and in-control of some of my own progress.  She didn't mention using narcotics to manage my pain.  She didn't mention cutting me open in 6 months.  I think I may begin trusting her.  

Am I skeptical?  Yes.  The damage in tissues/nerve, disc space is not pretty. It's also confusing to hear conflicting messages between your surgeon and your PT.  Will I still have spinal fusion surgery in the next year or so?  I don't know.  And not knowing is frustrating and scary.  A lot is out of my hands.  A lot is in the loyal and faithful hands of my Creator.  But some things I can control.

So I created a binder.  My 34-year old version of a security blanket.  

I'm tracking my daily PT exercises, the new "habits" I'm supposed to be forming, my weight, my medication intake....all of this over the next several weeks.  I'm hoping that this will not only hold me accountable but help me see the small increments of progress over time.  Will my weight drop if I pay attention?  Will I feel better at the end of the day if I've attended to my sitting posture?  Will my exercises increase in complexity over the course of several weeks?  Will the amount of medication I'm on decrease?

My new project:

PT Exercises

Log for new habits, medication, weight, and other notes.

Log for tracking daily progress on PT exercises.