Kruse Family Update

It feels like its been awhile since I've done a general family update so I thought I'd give it a go tonight.  Life in Dubuque has created new adventures for us all.  I think we're settling in quite well...and I can imagine that we could be here a long time (hoping of course that I get tenured at Loras when the time comes).....
Here are some individual family member updates:

Michael continues to truck along at his job with McKesson/Relay Health.  Michael is missing his Weitz friends but is happy learning some new skills in his Security position, as well as making new friends among his colleagues.

Sam is 8 1/2 now and settling into his new elementary school. His favorite subject at school is Math though he says "there are a lot of good ones" regarding school subjects.  He's doing well, it's really awesome as a parent to watch him grow in his interests.  He's very excited to play Little League this summer.  It will be his first summer out of the Parks and Rec program and into a more competitive league.  He's always hit better when pitched to then off of a tee so I think he's going to enjoy himself.  He'll be one of the oldest in his Division since he has an August birthday.  This creates a little bit of awkwardness because his classmates who are older will be on the team above his.  But maybe that'll give him a chance to show his stuff with the younger players :-).   In other news, he's interested in learning how to create power points, particularly about Iowa.  Not sure where this idea came from...

Noah is 7 and never ceases to surprise me.  He doesn't allow his learning needs to stop his progress and persistence.  He is "keeping up" with the 1st grade curriculum just great thanks to the support of his Speech therapist and Occupational therapist.  This is his second  year with a teacher who has high expectations for him, which I believe makes a huge difference in his success.  He continues to amaze us with his sweetness and charm and sprinkles of humor.  Though he's got a crush on a little girl in his class, he informed us on Valentines Day that he would not be getting married ever.  We're hoping to put him in swimming lessons this spring or summer and he's looking forward to another year of Parks and Rec tee-ball.

Jacob is 5 and is a whirl-wind of happy energy.  He's had a positive year at preschool and has a made a lot of adorable friends.  His humor and creativity is developing and he reminds me more and more of my own Dad, who has a unique and dry sense of humor.  He's a little sponge right now, eager to learn how to read and write.  I wish I could bottle this type of excitement for learning and I'm thrilled that his early learning experiences are encouraging this excitement.  We're hoping that Jacob will start Parks and Rec tee-ball this summer and he's thrilled to be on a team like his big brothers.  We're also throwing around the idea of soccer but haven't made a decision yet.  Jacob's energy would be suitable for soccer but we work very hard at finding a balance of activities for each child while remaining mindful of the implications these activities have on our entire family.

Aubri is 3 and has a big personality.  She's so articulate and surprises us with the things that she says.  She's also the most intuitive 3-year old I've ever known.  She's the family social butterfly and is making plenty of friends in both childcare and preschool.  We are also thinking about registering Aubri for soccer this summer (she turns 4 in May).  While I anticipate her hanging out on the soccer field looking for dandelions  I think the opportunity to run and play with other little ones this summer would be a good time for her.  I'll also put her in "zumba" for little kids this summer as well because...well, watching that is really for my own entertainment.

My personal update is that every week and month that passes at my new job at Loras College proves to me that we made the right decision.  Earlier in the Fall I struggled with missing our friends and family and wasn't sure about how long I could see ourselves here.  But after feeling adjusted to our move as well as getting to know my colleagues, the college,  the community, and my professor-role more....I can't help but to feel excited for the coming years.  I really do love my job...and seem to be reminded of that on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, I've watched too much Greys Anatomy and Downton Abbey to feel completely settled....I keep waiting for something bad to happen.  I know that's not the way life should work.  But, like I said, I watch too much dramatic T.V. to feel completely safe. :-)  My back is not yet in good shape following my surgery in January, but I didn't let it make me miss a beat with my teaching.  Awesome colleagues have been supportive along the way, which only assures me that much more that we're in a good spot here in Dubuque.

This has been a long post, but I feel like it's been awhile since we've been in touch with some of our long-time friends back "home" and friends and family for all over the States (and world!).  We're hoping that spring and summer weather will bring us to Central Iowa often and we hope to continue to host visitors this summer.

Good Buddies, Sam and Noah

Light Thai Pizza...Easiest Pizza Ever.

I've made this pizza twice and have liked both times. Michael enjoys it too, which is a bonus! 

Needed:

--3-4 cups of Birds-eye brand Thai-style frozen vegetables.  I buy mine at Wal-mart.  It comes with a Thai sauce in the bag, use the entire pouch.

--2 cups of Tyson Grilled & Ready frozen chicken breast strips

--1 pre-made pizza crust (I use a thin, whole-wheat crust)

--3/4 cup (or to your own taste) of Mozzerella cheese (I use the kind that has Philadelphia Cream Cheese in it)

--Oven-roasted shaved almonds (found in salad section, usually)

Saute' vegetables, sauce, and chicken in pan. 

Prepare pizza crust as directed on package (I brush crust with olive oil).

Spread vegetable/chicken mixture on crust, top with cheese, and then sprinkle a handful of shaved almonds on the top Bake in oven at 425 for 8 minutes (or until cheese is melted).  

I want to experiment with drizzling  a spicier Thai sauce on the top when done, but I need to make a trip to Galena to find something yummy :-)  

The bulk of this pizza is the veggies---and it's very filling!!  

Saying Goodbye to 2012

It's my blogging tradition to say goodbye to the current year.  So, here it is.  "Goodbye, 2012, you crazy-son-of-a-gun."  I thought since I was already personifying the year by saying goodbye to it  I might as well tag on a term of endearment. 

This really was a crazy, bitter-sweet year. 

I birthed a dissertation.  For some reason that is the only image I can use to describe that process.  I graduated with my Ph.D.  We moved to Dubuque.  I said good-bye to dear friends.   I said hello to new friends.  I started a whole new career.  I experienced growing pains, both personal and professional.  I felt blessed by my growing pains. 

I've missed my friends and family.  I've learned that the home you build up around you and your family...the community you establish...is largely a product of the love and energy that you put into it. (And I can pretty much gaurantee that when Michael reads that line he will crack a joke about the Beatles and their lyrics, "The love you take is equal to the love you make.")  And some days the energy to build that home and community just isn't there and you want to bury yourself in blankets and forget that the day exists.  And other days that energy overflows and you run with it.  And you allow yourself to love new things.  Make new traditions.  Love new people. 

Most importantly, I've learned that God takes care of us no matter our location.  He cared for us in Ames and He cares for us in Dubuque.  He continues to provide regardless of zipcode.  And while it's easy to become homesick, we can rest easy knowing that the memories of our past keep us warm and the hopes for our future keep us moving. 

Tone it down, Kruse.

At times, the hardest aspect of life are lessons that we learn along the way.  Ironically, those lessons, or the realizations of those lessons are also rewarding because it is amazing that we have the opportunity to have truths revealed about us....and more importantly, the opportunity to grow or change.

Until recently I've prized my personality.  I've always been on the more "passionate" side of life.  As a child I took on my own causes...starting an environment club (with just myself, by the way, but I did write out club goals and expectations), writing the mayor of my city my concerns, and I even vividly remember riding my bike to the home of my state legislator when I was in sixth grade, knocking on his front door to chat about equal rights.  Thankfully I had the Girl Scouts as my excuse because he   let me in.  (That was the 80's.  You could go into someone's home without causing a huge scandal).  

But my personality has only intensified throughout the years (though I'm convinced I stalled out in high school, for some reason I think that I must have been somewhat of a dud in that phase).  

And I've prized that passion.  It's driven me to the field that I work in, and it motivates me to keep going. It's caused me to be expressive, spontaneous, and wear my heart on sleeve.  (Side note, I almost typed "literally wear my heart on my sleeve" until I realized how disgusting that actually is).  

But now I've had to take a step back and re-evaluate.  Perhaps, at times, I'm too much.  The inflections in my voice.  My hand-gestures.  My knee-jerk reactions in some conversations.  I wonder if this expression could easily be misinterpreted as as abrupt or abrasive.  (By the way, my husband disagreed when I asked him this.  But then I thought, I'm sure my husband, who shares my bed, doesn't really want to say "Yes, honey, you're too abrasive".)  

Not that I think that I have to change my personality...but I think that I need to reflect on the level of the intensity of my reactions and responses.  

A good friend once told me that I don't have a poker-face, and she's right.  If  I'm confused, happy, annoyed, it shows up on my face in pretty quick.  I should have been in comedy, because for some reason it seems like the faintest expression on me appears exaggerated.  And when I try to remain expression-less I'm pretty sure I look grumpy.  My hand motions also tend to be a bit over-played.  I really need to become more self-aware of how my body-language contributes to the energy of those around me.  

I also need to consider my reactions--both the response-time and level of intensity.  I need to remember that A) my emergencies are for sure not the emergencies of others and B) not everything deserves the same level of passion and energy.  Ironically I'm probably exaggerating B a little bit.  I do know that not everything deserves the same level, but I do feel I need to be more selective on what I am most expressive about.  In addition to making people, particularly those who don't know me, feel uncomfortable...I worry that if I come come off as intense on so many issues, how will people know what it is that I am really passionate about?    

If I bought a brand-new alarm clock, the sound of its alarm would startle me the first few mornings.  My heart might even race.  I probably wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep.  Eventually, I would get used to the alarm and my hand would easily find its way to the snooze button.  I'd be able to roll-over, and at times, even forget that it ever went off.  I don't want people, both personally and professionally, to learn to hit my snooze button.  Because what if at one point...there is something I really, really need to say.  What if something on my most passionate list (disability rights, love for family and friends, inclusion, my faith) simply gets ignored because the sound of my own alarm has become background noise, easy to be ignored?

My personality has it's own conflicts.  While I am expressive, I'm also highly sensitive.  I'm very sensitive to how I might have made others feel (unfortunately I'm better and realizing after-the-fact rather than in-the-moment).  I feel very hurt and broken if I've realized that I in someway hurt someone else or made them feel uncomfortable.  I do know that as a person that I fail often in my personal interactions, but just to know that I've been the cause of frustration or hurt can be enough to immobilize me.  And I know that needs to change.  I need to be very aware of how my expression and timing can directly influence another person's mood.  One of my favorite quotes, "Do you light up a room when you walk in, or when you walk out?"  I don't want to be anyone's darker moment.  

I don't think those who know me best will ever describe me as "even keel".  My days working at Camp taught me that a keel is the center of the canoe.  We were taught the term "heel on the keel".  If you go off of the keel to quick or too far, you could easily tip your canoe.  (But you don't have to worry about the keel if you have a giant snake in your boat, but that is a story for another day).  I just need to remember to keep "heel on the keel".  I'll always be a bit wobbly.  I'll never be perfectly even---and I don't think I was designed to be.  I don't think my Creator made me that way.  But I do think He did make me reflective, responsive, and responsible to the individuals that surround me in my daily life and so I need to work to be more self-aware to the impact of my expressions and passion to those around me.  

Side note:  I'm fairly confident that I just explained my canoe analogy all wrong, which justifies that while working at Camp they kept me far away from the canoes and stuck me in Arts and Crafts.  

What's on my heart today.....

Sam has an "agenda" (fancy name for a planner) that he has to take back and forth to school every day.  Keeping with Kruse tradition, life got hectic this week and we misplaced his planner for about 24 hours.  Last night, while completing our nightly ritual of me looking at the agenda and signing off that I had, indeed, seen it, I noticed that his teacher put a frowny face in red pen where my signature would go.  This made me a little sad.  Sam is a new kid at school, this is our first year learning this rigid planner routine, and the thought of him having to see this picture every time he used at school this week made my heart a little sad.

Meanwhile, Aubri has been over the moon about school.  She can't get enough of it.  She wants to go on Saturdays and Sundays and literally cried when I told her that I didn't have any homework for her.  So, what has happened between age 3 and 3rd grade?  From spirited and joyful about learning to anxiety and red frowny-faced planners?

I wrote a little poem (just a little diddy, if you will ;-)  on what my heart speaks on this matter:

Perfectly Imperfect

About a year ago (well, who knows really when it was, sounds like a good way to start....) I sat in our pediatrician's office waiting for our appointment.  I found myself flipping through parent magazines, which in of itself was strange because it was probably the first time in 8 years I didn't spend the entire waiting time following an inpatient toddler around who was determined to explore the ins and outs of germ-infested doctor offices.  I started scanning the "advice" given by both professionals and parents.  I examined the pictures in both advertisements and articles.  And two ideas popped into my head...1) I cannot relate to this,  and 2) no wonder I was so anxious when I was pregnant with Sam and in his first year of life.  These magazines painted this incredibly unrealistic picture of what being a mom entails and literally looks like.  Perfect discipline, perfect nutrition that must be paired with cutesy presentation of all major food groups, stylish clothes for the whole family. Disneyworld and Beaches resort vacations.  And everyone must be smiling.  Always.

Throughout my grad school years friends and strangers (but oddly, no family members ;-) commented on me being "Super Mom" and I had to shy away from those comments....I just didn't see it (or don't see it).  In fact, I'd argue that all of my mom friends are "Super".  This idea of "Super Mom" or being "Magazine Perfect" is in contradiction with my life.  Evidence:
1.  Noah's hair.  Seriously.  He's the nutty professor in a 6 year-old body. I know it needs cut.  And yes, I know I sent him to school with it that way (and yes, I tried to tame it at the door of the school building this a.m. by patting it down with my own spit on my hand).  The fact that I wasn't bothered when the before school staff told me that Noah had read the word "Ass" out loud because another student wrote it in sidewalk chalk was probably icing on the cake for that person.  In fact, I probably looked proud that my former non-reader had such great word decoding skills.  And I'm not entirely convinced that the other student who wrote the word was not Sam.  I didn't even ask.  I was late for work.  Nodding and smiling about the situation was all I had to offer.
2.  Is Little Ceasar's pizza a food group?
3.  I've worn the same black pants alllllllll week.  And I'm not apologizing.
4.  My self-talk.  Do other mom's do this??  Do other mom's have phrases that they just keep in their head...but the fact that they are there, may be disturbing if other people knew?  For instance, every time I hear my children whine, I think "Every time you whine an angel loses its wings".  I don't SAY it.  But I think it.  And it makes me at least smile on the inside.  And that's really just the surface of my self-talk catch phrases.  So, if while my child is whining, you're thinking I'm pondering strategies to positively direct my child into appropriate behavior.....think again.  I'm taking my mommy-self on a vacay to Florida where only me and ONLY me sits on a beach with a big fat margarita.  Where I don't have to think about the poor angels losing their wings.
5.  My house is clean.  When I have visitors.  Neighbors:  please don't randomly stop by because it ain't pretty.   It's not uncommon for me to take a step back, look at my kitchen, and think "Thank goodness this is not a restaurant  because the Health Department would Shut. This. Down.  And to think that's where I lovingly prepare beautiful, crafty meals for four cherubs and doting husband.

And I don't say this to encourage us to all be Slacker-Moms.  That's not the case at all.  I'm saying this because I think we need to give ourselves a bit of a break.  Ultimately, all of my kids are growing up in a home where despite our flaws, they know they are loved.  They know that God loves them.  They know that  at the end of the day they may not have the fanciest clothes or the fanciest toys or awesome vacations....but they have me.  All of me.  The flaws and the fun.  The sad and the happy.  The frizzy hair and the wide smile.  (The squishy arms and the stinky feet...really, folks, we could go on forever ;-)  The point is....as their parents WHO we are is sufficient enough.  Perfectly imperfect.

Celebrating Teachers

Last night I made a Facebook post in reflection of my child's chromosome disorder and the effect that has had on his learning and development and how we've witnessed his teachers truly rise to the occasion of  not only meeting his needs, but nurturing his growth.  I received several thoughtful comments on my FB page so I've decided to extend some of my thoughts here....

I've had the fortunate experience of examining education from multiple angles: student, teacher, government employee, parent, researcher, and now, pre-service teacher-trainer.  I've had the opportunity to do both hard work and deep reflection from each of these angles and I've come to this conclusion:  Teachers amaze me.  

From the student's perspective...I loved, loved, loved school.  I would count the days down from summer break to school just waiting for the smell of textbooks and newly-waxed floors.  I think if I could by a candle that said "first day of school smell" I would stock-up without hesitation.  And it wasn't because of my friends that I loved school (though you are all very great!).  We moved quite a bit in my childhood so my friendships did not remain constant from year-to-year, but what did remain from year-to-year was some pretty awesome teachers who taught me not only how to read, but how to love to read.  They taught me how to write, type, think, sing, disagree.....the list of the skills and dispositions I got out of my education...the list that makes me, well, me....goes on and on.  And it wasn't necessarily the latest and greatest teaching strategy that made the most impact on my education, but the willingness of my teachers to establish relationships with me.  This sleepy Saturday morning, I celebrate the teachers who nurtured my growth:  Mrs. Sackett, Mrs. Witzel, Mrs. Meinecke, Mrs. Menning, Miss Caston, Mr. Peterson...and even the teachers who were never officially my "teachers" but still took the time to get to know me, like Mr. Maxwell and Mrs. Lubeck.  It's impossible to name all of the teachers and school staff who made an impact on my growth, and I fear this post will fall-short in the list of the teachers I should never stop thanking.  

From the teacher's perspective I've gotten to know many dedicated, hard-working, and incredible teachers.  I observed teachers who loved their content areas and loved their students, and when I saw those two passions intersect they created heart-bursting, eye-popping learning environments.  Did I see some non-examples of good teaching?  Absolutely.  And could those non-examples shape and disturb the educational experiences of the children and families involved?  Absolutely, I don't neglect to recognize those experiences have and do occur, and I'm very much concerned for the children and families involved.  But from inside the school, looking out, I don't want the small percentage of non-examples to overshadow the teachers who radiate in their noble profession.  I can't even begin to name the teachers I've met in my career that I simply love.  But I will take the time to celebrate my teacher-friend Jan Westrum who I got to be neighbors with in our school building.  I'm pretty sure I've never told her "thanks" for being the teacher-model that I very much needed in my life.  She modeled an open-door policy for ALL students and teachers, a drive to continue growing in content knowledge and pedagogy, and a true and unfailing care for each student in her room, regardless of gifts and background.  She also modeled positive colleague relationships and professional behavior all while maintaining a sense of humor and a sense of fun.  I still think it would be pretty awesome to be Jan when I grow up.  

From the state-government employee perspective, I can't help but to be astounded that teachers remain in the profession as long as they do.  I don't mean to say this to be negative on our state and federal government, but the ever-changing climates of our political system have an impact on our educational system that I can only compare to a silent avalanche.  Those on the outer bounds may not even know the impact of legislative change or policy change, but the teachers and programs impacted must quickly dig themselves out of the frequent chaos and push forward, all while maintaining a calm, "business-as-usual" demeanor to assure they don't upset the climate in their schools.  Teachers feel the direct blows from the constant collision of the federal government, state government, regional systems, school districts, teachers unions, and school boards more than any of us.  And to my former colleagues working in the state and regional system,  your work is also amazing.  Working to assure quality and equitable education for each and every child in our state is no easy task, but I want those who are "down on our government employees" to know that each and every person I worked with at the Dept. of Ed has a level of work-ethic and dedication that would be difficult to beat. 

Before I leave this blog entry, I have to speak from a parent's perspective.  I have had to advocate for my son, and at times, challenge our school system to "try again" in their services to Noah.  I've had maddening and frustrating experiences. But I'm learning to not to let those isolated experiences paint the picture of my child's past or future in education.  (Notice I said "learning" not "I have arrived"...).  I started this journey with a "worst case scenario" disposition and have since realized that Noah's teachers have rose to the occasion of not only meeting his needs, but nurturing his growth.  I sat in a meeting once with a teacher in tears because she did not know how to "un-lock" his reading skills.  She wasn't in tears because she thought he was lazy and didn't know what to do.  She was in tears because she wanted him to read so badly and felt overwhelmed by her responsibility for my son.  She never stopped trying to find just the right "key" for him.  And she did find it.  She collaborated with a teacher and began a reading program that engaged Noah in not only letters/words, but in pictures, body movements, sound cues, etc. It was much more support than a "typical" learner but they did it anyway because they cared for him.  Yesterday I found out that he started out first grade reading at a higher level than expected for a beginning first grader and that he is on target for maintaining that growth.  I cried.  Our new school doesn't know how hard he's worked and the amount of dedication put forth by his teachers and parents since he was 10 months old.  But I know.  And it made me weep.  

Yes.  As a teacher-trainer, researcher, and systemic-thinker I think we have a long ways to go in teacher preparation.  But that's the beauty of the field of Education.  We will never arrive.  Our children and families will be constantly changing as our society and culture evolves.  We will never arrive. But there's no one more dedicated to keep trudging through this insane jungle than the teachers that have surrounded me, and more importantly, that are surrounding my children.