Glimpses of the "Teen Years"...

I overheard a pretty hilarious conversation this morning that I just CAN'T keep to myself. 

A little background...
Aubri has been my most independent child from the get-go.  She rarely let us "spoon" feed her as an infant, she was the first to refuse to hold her hand when walking with her, and she reminds us mulitple times a day that, "I AM bigger now" while standing on her tippy-toes and reaching her chin as far into the air as she can.  She is in constant "need" to be older and bigger.

But THIS morning topped all of our other experiences with this need of hers....

I was in our living room, and she was in the kitchen.  I heard "distressed" voices, so naturally, I tuned in.  (Really, we are a 24-hour dramatic Reality TV show here in the Kruse household).  Here is what I picked up on:

Aubri (age 3): DADDY.  I want you to drop me off at the school.

Michael:  Yes, I am taking you to school.

Aubri:  NO.  Drop me OFF.  No go inside with me.

Michael: Aubri, I have to go inside and take you to your class.

Aubri:  NO.  Drop me OFF.

Michael:  If I just drop you off they will think I am a bad dad.  Note:  we find giving her reasons that put it on ourselves rather than saying, "you're not old enough", works easier....

Aubri:  No.  You are a NOT a bad dad.

Michael:  Aubri, I have to take you in.

Aubri:  But I am FOURTEEN.

By this time Michael had given up on the conversation and moved on with his morning by ignoring her.  I, on the otherhand, was laughing in the living room.  Aubri has given "false facts" about her age before.  Typically, according to her, her age ranges from 3-7.  But this was a first.  Never in my imagination did I think that I would have a three year old daughter who wanted to be fourteen so badly.  And it's not so much the three going on 14 that scares me....it's the 14 going on.....????  that scares me the most!

I'm a Freshman, again. And it feels great (ish).

Tonight I got the rosters for the four courses I'll be teaching this semester and the first thought I had was, "Huh!  They were really serious about giving me this gig!"  These last couple of weeks I've been working on my syllabi, trying to figure out the different policies and procedures of the College so that I could respond to student emails, and working out the nuts and the bolts of my new position.  This all has me feeling like a freshman again.  Only I don't live in awesome dorms with my soon-to-best and long-life friends.  Instead, I'm 34, I do live with my best friend, and we also live with four young people that cry too-easily and could possibly pee their pants if you tickle them too hard.  But none-the-less, I have that freshman feeling about me. 

I don't know the campus.  And I'll be too proud to use a map on the first day. 
I don't know many people.  I'll probably flash my awkward-but-don't-I-look-friendly smile to innocent passerbyers.  I don't even know if passerbyer is a word (but the freshman in me would rather sound witty than intelligent). 
I have a "place" to move into.  And I'm genuinely excited to settle into it and maybe even give a whirl at some sort of decor. 
I'm naive, energetic, hopeful, nauseaus, anxious,cautious and excited.  I'm happy to make new friends, worried that some will hate me, and wouldn't mind a phone call from my mom and dad after my first day. 

And this is what feels great---I know that this first year will be a year that I get to look back on with nostalgia--the same way I looked back on my own freshman year(s) :-), my first year working at Camp, my first year teaching, and my first year of grad school.  There will be some triumphs (I figured out the copy machine!) and some defeats.  But it's in those defeats that my greatest growth will occur. 

And so my greatest hopes include that every once in awhile I'll pause and breathe in deep the newness of my air and realize that I will never again be a true "Freshman" faculty member.  That this is my year to grow and seize.  And that a year from now, I hope to chuckle at the amount of anxiety I had about emailing a student a simple procedure.  That I'll laugh at my insecurities in forming new relationships over a cup of coffee with a new friend and colleague. 

I get to be a freshman again.   It feels promising, hopeful, and exciting.  It feels....great. 

Random Thoughts....

I haven't blogged in awhile, mostly because I don't feel like I have much to say.  I think I've said this in the past, but I like my blogs to make some sort of cohesive sense, but I just don't have any extended thoughts on any one topic.  At least lately. Or At least that I should share publicly ;-) So, here's a list of thoughts that have been going through my mind lately, they are in no particular order, nor am I claiming that they are important or relevant. :-)

1.  Being a newcomer is lonely.  But surprising peaceful.  This temporary anonymity is a blessing.  Right now I can go to Wal-Mart looking haggard and perhaps a bit gross and no one is wise to who I even am.  Soon that will change as I'm bound to bump into my students and new colleagues.  But for now, I'm not even bothering with makeup and no one needs to know if I actually brushed my hair before I put it up in a ponytail.

2.  XXX Summer Olympics.  I'm feeling surprised that my parental blocker on our T.V. didn't give us a hard time about that.

3.  I thought I wanted to go on a 10th anniversary honeymoon next summer, now I'm not so sure.  I have a hard time with not being with my kids for longer than 48 hours.  This surprised me about myself.  I've seen myself as a pretty independent lady, and yes, my kids do drive me nuts sometimes and, yes, I'd like a break from the Kruse Kraziness, but I think spending 3 days or so in the wildnerness with my hubs is really what I want to do for our 10th.  Maybe we'll do a honeymoon on our 15th.  When we have a couple of middle-schoolers under our roof.

4.  Cooking.  It Sucks.  But I have perfected scrambled eggs.  Which Aubri calls "Grandma Eggs", and that's just adorable.  I used to like cooking, but now I don't.  Maybe this is only for a season.

5.  The song 99 red balloons came on the radio today and I realized that this song is on my "I never get tired of this music" list.  Admit it, it's on your list too.

6.  Forgiveness and Letting Go.  I've been doing a lot of praying and self-talk lately about some forgiving and letting go that I need to do with individuals in my past who have hurt me, or even continue to hurt me.  Boy.  It's not easy.  It's probably the toughest thing I've ever tried to do.  And some of my readers have studied Statistics with me, so you know how hard this must be if I'm saying that this, forgiving and letting go, is the toughest.  Except, Erik Whitver, I can't let go of the time you threw my Brooke Shield's Barbie Doll on our roof in California.  I just can't ;-)

7.  Gardening wasn't all that it cracked up to me.  Things were leafy and green, but nothing turned out except for exactly 7 hot peppers.  I think I will muster the motivation to make freezer salsa.  But refer to #4.

8.  Overall, summer has been fun, and it isn't over yet.  We've filled it with visiting friends and family, exploring Dubuque, a lot of swimming, some camping adventures on the way, as well as Adventureland with some family.  That right there is a good summer.

Those are all of my random thoughts.  I think once I get into the swing of my new job and the kids are back in school, I'll get my blogging brain back and think of something more cohesive to write about.  'Til then, thanks for hanging with me :-)

Didn't know I was THAT nerdy...

It hasn't been that awesome acclimating to a new community.  I do like our new home and new town, but with limited social interaction it can get quite lonely when you don't have easy access to your friends.  I've been doing my best to feel comfortable, but I'd say that a feeling of unease and displacement has largely marked these first few weeks here.  

And today, I found the strangest comfort that I think says quite a bit about myself.

I headed out to Panera to work on a few things to prepare for my final upload of my dissertation (we have to electronically upload them by July 19th).  I packed my orange backpack that I've had now for five years, all through my Ph.D. coursework, and then slung it on my back.  The sense of comfort, calm, ease that blanketed me when the backpack hugged my shoulders caught me off guard.  I was like a three-year old that found his long-lost security blanket.  And then I  just couldn't believe it.  Of all things that could've made me feel at-home here....of all of the stuff that was packed in three Uhauls, I had an almost physical comforting reaction to my BACK-PACK.  

I didn't realize that I was that nerdy.  

Now I know.  

Don't worry Michael, I won't bring it to bed with me :-)

Ice Cream Capital of the World

We were in NW Iowa on Aubri's birthday so we went to LeMars--the ice cream capital of the world--to celebrate at the Blue Bunny Ice Cream Shop.  Here are a handful of photos from the party:

Jacob was almost concerned by the size of this  "dirt" sundae.  He loved the gummy worms that came with it...

Sam and Noah shared a banana split.  They were pretty impressed with it's size, though they couldn't finish it. 

Outside the shop.

Kruse kids make pretty good tourists.  They're willing to stand by all kinds of signs and statues for us :-)

Aubri's favorite food :-)  "Just like a mommy" she'd say....

Social Skill Lessons from Aubri

So far Aubri is clearly in first place in the Kruse family in her ability to acquire friends.  In just about every "play" situation we've been in the past two weeks she's walked away with 1-2 new friends.  The only time I watched her be unsuccessful was when she tried to join a group of about 5 10-year old girls in the 3 foot area of the pool (I was standing directly behind her and basically it was her head bobbing up out of the water while she tried to act like she knew what was up with the group by fake laughing when they laughed).

But I have observed her successful attempts which has caused me to re-examine the way that I make friends.  Here are the lessons she's taught me:

1.  Tell random people my name and my age and see what sticks.  Well, to be exact, I'd have to tell them what my age is not.  Here's an example, which could be used at a park, swimming pool, grocery store, pretty much anywhere other humans happen to be:  "I'm Aryn.  (No greeting apparently necessary).  I'm not 32 anymore".  This would be followed by my new friend pausing to check me out and then telling me his/her age, but not their name yet. Apparently age is really the only pre-requisite for friendship.  I did not realize this before.

2.  Twirl.  I've underestimated twirling in the past. After careful observation of my daughter I've decided to buy an adult tu-tu, probably plus-sized for the time being, and twirl.  It's a more complicated process than it sounds.  I need to run up to someone who looks like they have nothing better to do.  Catch their eye, either by an awkward stare or charming smile.  Once I have their eye's attention I need to just twirl to my heart's content.  If they smile, or laugh, I move up to tip #1 and seal the deal on my new friendship.

3.  Chase people.  I've totally under-utilized this tactic up until now.  Aubri, my friendship mentor, has shown me that if you go up to someone and again, either awkward stare or give a charming smile, you might be able to initiate Project Chase a Stranger and Make Them My Friend.  Once you have their attention, make a light squeal.  Not too loud, not too soft.  Then take three or four running steps forward, turn, and glance back at them.  If they don't seem to entertained, twirl to show them just how special you are and just what they might be missing out on if they don't complete this friendship process.  After that twirl, run back to them, lightly tag them, and then run away.  They are sure to follow.

4.  Assure people that I'm potty trained.  Apparently, besides age, this is another helpful pre-requisite to acquiring friends.  So, now I know, that if I really feel stuck in making friends, I need to simply state to them., "I wear underwears now, they have flowers on them."  That way, if they had any doubts at all about being my friend, I probably just erased them with my amazing news.

Those are the four-main steps I've learned thus far for friendship-forming.  Since Aubri is the only one so far to acquire friends, who am I to criticize?  I'll have to see if these apparent fool-proof strategies work....

Greetings from DBQ

The Kruse family has officially migrated to Northeast Iowa.  We've been here for just over a week and the prominent theme seems to be:  Wow.  This is a heck of a lot more overwhelming than I anticipated.  Because we Kruses are used to moving.  We move a lot.  Ask our friends who have helped us move our heavy furniture all too often.  But I didn't anticipate the toll it would take on me to move across the state.

Don't get me wrong.  I think Dubuque is pretty stinkin' awesome and perhaps Iowa's best kept secret. It's even more gorgeous here in the summer than what I thought it was in the winter.  I love the diversity of the architecture, and I love the steep hills, cliffs, and trees that are peppered within the town and on the edges.  I think the evenings and mornings are more crisp than Central Iowa and I'm in LOVE with my back deck (where (I'm writing this now) in the evening.  

But I'm also homesick.  I'm homesick for Ames, which feels like it is laid out more on a grid and I don't get lost every day.  I miss my friends.  And even if days and weeks past between visits with my friends in Ames, I didn't realize how even proximity can make you feel closer to someone.  We've been gone a week and I feel so distant.  Of course that could also be in direct relation to my extended-Facebook fast that I've got going as well.  But I think Facebook would make me even more homesick, truly.  

I've been striving in the past week to set some things up that would make me feel more like I'm making a home here and less like I'm on a strange vacation.  Here's what I've done so far:

1.  Shop at Hy-Vee, Wal-Mart, Fareway, Aldi's....in other words, shop where the inside of the store doesn't feel so strange.  I've tried to explore new territory as well.  Between Kennedy Mall, Asbury Plaza, and all of the other businesses in the area I can't think of much that I'm really "missing"  (other than The Cafe in Ames.  Love that place.  Oh, and a drive-through Starbucks.  That's been an adjustment, but probably a positive one for my bank account.  

2.  Morning walks.  Sam and I get up each morning at about 6 a.m. and go for a 30 minute walk together.  Not only is it a healthy start to our day, but it's time that I prize with just him.  Not much could make me more eager to get out of bed at 6 a.m. than imagining the genuine smile on his face when I brush his cheek in the morning to wake him up for our walks.  

3.  Pool passes.  Pretty awesome deal, and a pretty easy way to spend my afternoon.  We have options to go to two nice city pools, passes for the entire family only cost $94 dollars.  Sam and Noah spent their first day climbing up the steep stairs to two water slides that dump them into a 3-foot pool of water.  They did this for two straight hours.  They were exhausted at night and fell asleep pretty quick.

4.  Speaking of sleeping, it's been an adjustment to have all three of our boys share a small bedroom.  It looks more like summer camp or military barraks in their bedroom than an actual bedroom, but they don't seem to mind.  To get them to sleep at night I've been reading to them every night until they fall asleep.  I love this time with them.  I love watching them drift off to sleep and I love that they love that time as well.  

5.  Planting.  My mom came last weekend to visit (hooray!) and we planted a few things.  Most things were better planted in pots (there seems to be a lot of rocks in our garden areas and not much soil), but still, it was nice to bring some new life around our new house.  We planted a variety of flowers in the front in pots, placed some potted roses in the ground, planted some zuchnii in our back yard along with some "flower rockets" (probably a scam but they were cheap), a couple of strawberry plants that probably won't survive, and some peppers and tomatoes in topsy turveys that I hope turn out well so that I can make salsa and spaghetti sauce.  I also have some herbs I'd like to get planted this week.  I'm not a green thumb so we'll see how this all goes...

6.  Exploring.  I've been trying to be good natured about how many times I get lost.  (Really, these streets don't make much sense) and I've decided to think of it as exploring.  So far we've found what I think is a monastary, a beautiful (and free) arboretum and gardens owned by the city, and a bunch of neighborhoods that I don't think I could find again if I tried.  I've done some on-purpose exploring as well.  We've found some parks, Sam loves it if I cross the bridge over to Wisconsin or Illinois for fun (he thinks going to different states is a big deal), went to Galena with mom (LOVE it) and also explored Eagle Point Park (again, LOVE it, and a pretty amazing view of the Mississippi.  I'm overly impressed with Dubuque's parks system.  God created all that they're preserving and showing off, but I'm proud of them for being so caring of their parks and making them affordable and accessible.  

Well, that's all I can think of now. Except I do want to say that today I got a really pretty stamper in the mail with my new address on it and I don't know who sent it to me.  SO, if you sent it to me, THANKS!  I love it.  In a week or so I'm going to dig out my Cricut and make thank-yous that are past-due from my graduation party and also make some stationary so I can get into some snail-mailing.  I'm excited to use my new stamper in these efforts!!   A lot has happened in just one week.  Below I'm posting a few pictures of our new digs. 

Our back yard and new deck.  Michael is the super mower.  I don't have a good picture of our hill in our back yard
but props to him for having to mow it all summer.  

Front of house before I did any planting.  

The pots mom and I planted, the other plants (which aren't doing so hot) were planted prior to our moving in.  

One of the pots.  This was the first time I actually planted something this way.  It was pretty fun, I hope they don't die...

The roses.  They probably won't grow very big or super well because we had to leave them in the pots.  The ground was too rocky, not much soil in there.....

This area was overgrown.  I actually didn't know there were tiers back there.  Michael and took out what was growing back there and I'm attempting to grow zucchini (random, I know) and some flowers.  I didn't take a close up because I didn't feel like climbing the steep incline to get to it...

My topsy turveys are hanging from the deck..  I planted tomatoes and salsa peppers.