I'm a Freshman, again. And it feels great (ish).

Tonight I got the rosters for the four courses I'll be teaching this semester and the first thought I had was, "Huh!  They were really serious about giving me this gig!"  These last couple of weeks I've been working on my syllabi, trying to figure out the different policies and procedures of the College so that I could respond to student emails, and working out the nuts and the bolts of my new position.  This all has me feeling like a freshman again.  Only I don't live in awesome dorms with my soon-to-best and long-life friends.  Instead, I'm 34, I do live with my best friend, and we also live with four young people that cry too-easily and could possibly pee their pants if you tickle them too hard.  But none-the-less, I have that freshman feeling about me. 

I don't know the campus.  And I'll be too proud to use a map on the first day. 
I don't know many people.  I'll probably flash my awkward-but-don't-I-look-friendly smile to innocent passerbyers.  I don't even know if passerbyer is a word (but the freshman in me would rather sound witty than intelligent). 
I have a "place" to move into.  And I'm genuinely excited to settle into it and maybe even give a whirl at some sort of decor. 
I'm naive, energetic, hopeful, nauseaus, anxious,cautious and excited.  I'm happy to make new friends, worried that some will hate me, and wouldn't mind a phone call from my mom and dad after my first day. 

And this is what feels great---I know that this first year will be a year that I get to look back on with nostalgia--the same way I looked back on my own freshman year(s) :-), my first year working at Camp, my first year teaching, and my first year of grad school.  There will be some triumphs (I figured out the copy machine!) and some defeats.  But it's in those defeats that my greatest growth will occur. 

And so my greatest hopes include that every once in awhile I'll pause and breathe in deep the newness of my air and realize that I will never again be a true "Freshman" faculty member.  That this is my year to grow and seize.  And that a year from now, I hope to chuckle at the amount of anxiety I had about emailing a student a simple procedure.  That I'll laugh at my insecurities in forming new relationships over a cup of coffee with a new friend and colleague. 

I get to be a freshman again.   It feels promising, hopeful, and exciting.  It feels....great.