Journey with Health (not a journey TO health)

 I lost 6 pounds in the month of January.  I could have tried harder, but at the end of the month, I was lighter.  Two weeks later.....I've gained all but 1 of those pounds back.

Part of me wants to shake my fists in the air and say, "Whyyyyyy?  Give me a break!!!" But, doing so would be ignoring the fact that this didn't just happen to me.  I wasn't sitting on my couch and out of nowhere 5 pounds bombarded my body against my will.  I did it to myself.  

And I keep saying, I've got to figure this out, I've got to figure this out.  But then I roll my eyes.  At myself.  (Yes, I'm perfectly capable of having frustrating conversations with  myself, which includes dramatic and frustrated body language.)  I roll my eyes because it's really not a secret.  Eat less.  Exercise more.  Take in less calories than you consume and you will have a deficit that creates weight loss.  

So, what in the world is the hang up?  I'm sure it's not as easy as I tell myself it should be.  According to one probably unreliable internet source, the diet industry makes 40 billion dollars a year.  This makes me think that I'm not the only one who struggles with this "hang up".  

I read a quote today, that I think can help me:  "You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be."  (David Viscott)

I really think that might be it!  For so long I've been telling myself that I won't be "thin", "healthy", "athletic", even, "pretty" or "beautiful" until I've reached my goal weight.  I felt I couldn't identify with any of those descriptions until I was wearing a jeans size I thought was acceptable.    Even at my most healthy weight I had felt like I was just a fat person deceiving everyone into thinking I was thinner.  It's terrible to live in that place in my head.    Last summer I did a 5K and really, really enjoyed it.  Shortly thereafter I ruptured a disc in my back.  I felt like I was proving to myself that I wasn't the athlete that I was trying so hard to become.

So, I need to stop that.  I need to think of myself as being the person that I want to be...because, after all, I am that person.  I enjoy exercising, sweating, and feeling strong.  I enjoy making healthy choices, and feeling good about myself.    I am going to be the person I want to be.  I'm not going to wait any longer.  I am Healthy.  Fit.  Happy.

I hope to post every once in awhile about how this journey is going.  Feel free to let me know your own thoughts and victories.  Also, if any of you do My Fitness Pal, feel free to friend me, my username is WifeyDeMichael.

Signing off for now....

New Beginnings

So far 2012 has been marked with big changes on the horizon for the Kruse family.  And it's only February.  But the changes are exciting and full of new beginnings, but unfortunately some "catch ya later"s as well.

Today I received a contract to teach next Fall in the Education Division at Loras College in Dubuque. When August 20th comes I should be Assistant Professor of Education.  :-)  

This move for our family will obviously be marked with big changes for our family.  New town.  New church. New schools. New faces. Not to mention being in the depths of  Hawkeye country.   And though I thrive on change, I'd be hard pressed to say that I'm not also feeling some anxiety for all that needs to come together (Michael needs a job!) and sadness in leaving the town I've come to love these past 15 years (Ames), and the convenience of having some of my closest friends and family near me that I'm sure I've taken for granted.  

I think I'm most sad about Michael leaving his job.  He's come to really respect, appreciate, and I hate to say it out loud for fear of talks of "Bro-mance", but love his coworkers.  He really does work with some really friendly and supportive people.  

I will also miss my coworkers.  I've been impressed with some of the people I work closest with at the Dept. of Ed and our partnering agencies.  Being in an environment that even if you do not see eye to eye on every little matter or issue, but knowing that everyone around you has a deeply rooted passion for Early Childhood Education and Early Intervention has been rewarding.  

Though deep reflection of our changes causes a bit of anxiety, sprinkled with sadness, we are truly excited for our next adventure.  I'm looking forward to curving my career in the direction I've been working forward to these past few years while completing my doctoral program.  I'm looking forward to creating neat relationships and getting to know my future students.  I'm looking forward to discovering Dubuque and Eastern Iowa.

The kids don't quite understand it all, but Sam is excited to be moving to the Mississippi River and very excited to see the Duhawks play (The Duhawk is the Loras mascot).  

My last day at my job will be May 11th, our lease in Ames is up June 23.....so, sometime in the early summer we're going to be moving (though Michael and I may have to live apart for a couple of months).  Otherwise we'll live in Chris and Di Sheldon's basement ;-)  

I will never do that. Well. Maybe just this once.

Some of my blog readers may be a bit surprised to learn that I lean a bit on the dramatic side of life.  Who am I kidding.  If you already didn't know that, perhaps we should spend a day together and then you can reassess my personality :-)  I feel.  That's the best way to describe myself.  I feel....deeply.  I think we all "feel" on some sort of continuum....my emotions just tend to land on the the more intense side of the continuum.  With this personality characteristic comes strong statements, positions, and declarations.  BUT, another part of my personality is in direct conflict with these statements.  The spontaneous and open-minded side of me.  Which makes me more likely, in action, to be more like "I will NEVER go there.  Unless you can make a partially-logical case, and then, maybe..probably... I can give it a shot". 

A classic example of this happened tonight.  We had our date night (wooohoo!) tonight.  First we at ate the new Noodles & Company in town.  Two doors down from our new Noodles & Company is our town's new Aspen Leaf Frozen Yogurt establishment.  Going into Noodles & Company I was making statements such as, "I am never going to eat at Aspen Leaf.  I am going to be loyal to Orange Leaf because they were here first.  And what town needs two self-serve frozen-yogurt places?  And why in the world do they both have the word "leaf" in them....isn't that a little fishy?!"  (I, of course, could look this up on Google but then that would stop the Seinfeldian self-talk and that's just not fun). 

Fast forward 45 minutes later.  We're leaving Noodles & Company and I make the statement, "Well, we could just try it.......see what it's like".  My "boy-cott" turned into "boy-that-sounds-good-right-now".   Of course though, upon leaving Aspen Leaf I did make the statement to Michael that I liked Orange Leaf better (what, with there funky cool chairs and all) and will continue to pledge my alliegence to them.  Michael of course chuckled because he knew that I would keep that loyalty until the next time we ate at Noodles and Company.  Sometimes my loyalty is a matter of convenience.....

Speaking of convenience...this reminds me of a time I rallied a handful of friends to boycott our dorm's convenience store at Iowa State because they sent me a rejection letter for a cashier job I applied for.  (I think it was called the "December 12th Movement--People Against the C-Store").  Which, my friends remained loyal to.  Until they saw me coming out of the aforementioned evil store with an orange juice and a pack of gum.  Hey, a gal needs an orange juice from time to time.  And the store is right there. 

Some might say it's a fault that I am like that, and to those people I say, fine.  We don't have to be friends, ever again.  Well, maybe we can still be friends.  Probably will be.  Okay, we can be best friends. 

Why I'm jealous of THAT guy.......

Today while driving in my super cool gold van I spotted a guy jogging in jeans.  I looked behind him in anticipation of a masked man chasing him with a gun and much to my non-amazement there wasn't anyone chasing him.  The man was simply out for a jog wearing a pair of jeans.  My first thought was, "Hmm....I wonder what sort of chaffing goes along with such a practice."   I just thought it was funny, the thought of wearing jeans while jogging.  

And then I turned jealous.  Jealous because I would never wear jeans jogging.  I would be afraid that an early-thirties mom of four driving her golden van would spot me and laugh.  I would be afraid that I would look like a "dork" in the eyes of the "serious" joggers in the community. Because, I mean, I doooo look like a marathoner in all other aspects.  And that makes me a little ashamed of myself and a bit jealous of the man who prides his own health and who is comfortable with who he is.  How much money have I spent on fitness attire in the last 15 years?  Enough for probably a down payment on a lake-side cabin.  And why do I buy it?   A). Perhaps to fool those around me into not recognizing my chubby body because the Nike swish sign across my chest proves that I am a bonafide athlete.  OR B).  Maybe I buy it so that after I eat at my favorite Chinese restaurant I can come home and put on something that has elastic around the waist.  I probably buy the clothes for A and the reality of the situation of B.  

I've strayed a bit from my topic.  

I am jealous of that guy and maybe I could be a little more like him.  Maybe I can be learn to be secure enough in myself to not care what people think if I don't wear athletic clothing while exercising (really, how shallow am I to even have this as a blog topic?).  I mean, really.  I rarely wear aprons in the kitchen or lingerie in the bedroom so I'm practically half way there.  (This is where we insert Michael's voice saying, "Geeeeez, Aryn, can't you keep anything to yourself?!?!?").  No, Michael, I can't :-).  Actually....that gives me an idea....I currently wear jogging pants in the bedroom so........ that means I could wear my ...lingerie... while exercising?  I've officially gone over the appropriate line so I will sign off for now.  

Catch you later.  And wear jeans while jogging just to see what it's like and let me know how it feels.

Winter Mini-Vacay with Sam & Noah

Life has been busy, to say the least.  I'm in the depths of finishing my dissertation while working full-time and between all of that and our family, there never seems to be a dull moment.  Michael and I decided a couple of months ago that we needed to spend some quality time with the kids, but perhaps the quality would increase if we could go away with them two at a time.  So, we decided to take Sam and Noah to the Mall of America, we knew they were at the age that they would be overly impressed with Lego Land and Nickelodeon Universe...and we were right :-)  We used our Marriott Rewards points for two free nights at the Spring Hill Suites next to the Mall and spent the weekend going to Lego Land, riding rides, eating at the Rainforest Cafe', mini-golf, and going to the Mall's neat aquarium (though I did have to convince Noah that it wasn't a race between us and the other aquarium patrons, that really, we could take our time actually looking at the fish....).

The weekend was marked with little stress...other than a barf-fest in our Prius on the way to the Cities (starring Noah).  We cleaned out the car in a southern suburb of Minneapolis in a Wal-Mart parking lot.  (I am thankful that there is no People of Walmart's Parking Lot website....), and we were quickly on our way.  Thankfully Noah was much better in the morning and we had about 48 hours until Michael got sick at home on Sunday night.  I'm glad we had that window of opportunity to enjoy ourselves :-)

On the way home I was feeling sentimental that someday we wouldn't be taking two little boys on a weekend getaway.  I was thinking about ways that I could hold onto their childhood, so I asked Noah, "Noah, when you go to college, can I have your brown kitty?" (The stuffed kitty he's slept with since he was a baby.)  His response?  "No, Mom.  You'll be dead."  Well, there you have it.  :-)

Below are some highlights of the trip....

Welcome to my new Blog!

Due to some issues with my gmail account I had to delete my old account and start fresh, which also meant that my old blog would be deleted. I was pretty bummed, but, I see it as a fresh, new start as well. My old email account had over 10,000 unread pieces of junk mail in it, which, I have to admit was a bit annoying. Starting a new blog isn't as appealing, but, not devastating. I decided to name my blog after what I love the most in my life, marriage, children, friendships, and relationships.....laughter. I'm not sure what directions this will go in the future, but I am ready for the challenge.